NEW BLOG SERIES -PART ONE
'My iphone is broken - kindly get over it'.
Here is an interesting phenomenon... A perfectly normal human with vision suitable enough for them to say; drive a car, or read a newspaper, will somehow lose all sense of that vision (and perhaps the fact that their's is NOT a unique ability to see things) when confronted with an iphone with a cracked screen.
I smashed my iphone a while back, something I like everyone else, feared would happen from the moment I purchased the space age looking wonder-tool.
You would think that having figured out how to talk to someone on the other side of the world, then managed the same feat without the use of a wire, then having put all the information on the internet in the palm of your hand (not to mention inventing the internet) AND giving us mobile TV and youtube AND video cameras and then video phones and text and email AND now a small person called Siri inside the phone who acts as a personal assistant and seems to know absolutely everything... they might have figured out how to package all that stuff in something more appropriate than a smashable case?!
It's like making a car out of cotton wool - I admit that would look pretty cool, but piss off if you think Im getting in it!!
Now, as I'm walking out of my home having just been through the ultimate and hideous mess of a relationship break up. I head towards my car, armed with a bag that would end up becoming my home for the next 4 months and counting.
I reach into my pocket, with no idea where I'm going or where I now live, and pull my car keys out, with them comes my iphone.
As it tumbles to the floor I am reminded of Alanis Morissete and that prickish little black fly in her wine.
Sure enough, I pick up the phone to realise that on that day of all days, it has decided to reveal its most inconvenient of design flaws.. a glass screen... honestly, who's idea?!
As I began to allow the acknowledgment of the situation to bring with it thoughts of rage, panic and stress, I realised that none were forthcoming. In fact quite the opposite. I actually thought to myself... 'Well that's got that out the way then. I can stop treating my phone like a newborn baby and chuck it around a bit.... also no-one is gonna steal it now!'
So instead of making what I'm sure would have been a thoroughly rewarding phonecall to an insurance company, who will have conveniently created several new loopholes and 5-7 working day waiting periods and 'you send us the damaged phone, we will have a look at it and send you back one when we are sure you are telling the truth (oh hang on, did you drop it on the floor? Sorry mate you are only covered if you drop it onto a mattress or a fluffy dog).'
All that, I will have signed for in the shop, as the 19 year old cocky sales assistant was telling me about how 'the insurance is airtight and don't worry about a thing, just sign the bottom', (Afterall if you read ALL the smallprint you will be here till next Tuesday (I believe it was a Thursday when I bought my phone)) whilst forgetting to mention the lovely commission he was earning to spout the utter tripe he was chucking at me.
I thought perhaps I would spare myself the stress of that bollox and simply continue with my now damaged and yet still working iphone.
To be honest I'm pleased with my decision, i will admit that 4 months later my phone is held together with tape and it may not look a treat (to the point where someone asked to borrow my phone the other day and when I handed it to them they looked at it and simply said: 'Its Ok I'll ask someone else.') ...but it still works perfectly and I'm no longer scared to drop it!
The problem with this comes when these perfectly normal people seem to lose their vision, or at least assume that despite the fact that I'm not carrying a stick or walking a dog, I have lost mine.
These normal people when confronted with my smashed up phone say to me: 'Mate, have you seen your phone?'
Of course I bloody have! Its my phone! How could I not have noticed it? I'm holding it in my hand right now!!!
Other than that I am happy with my battered phone but unfortunately I am faced with yet another example where my desire to do what works for me but that might not necessarily work for others means I am, in the eyes of others, surely insane.
Personally, I need a phone to call and text people and in recent years it has helped immenssly to be online for: email twitter and a bit of facebook here and there, I also like listening to music. Other than that I dont have any other use for a phone. So if all that is working, why on earth should it matter what the phone looks like?
...It spends 90% of its time in my pocket anyway. Does having a tidy looking iphone also mean I need to buy a set of fancy-looking house keys? Cos they live in my pocket but I can assure you they are just 'key-looking' things that really add no aeshetic value to the world... but fuck me are they functional... a bit like a phone, surely?!!