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- 20 January 2013 My German "Uncle Buck" poster, framed and hung in my dining room. I win Saturday.
- 04 March 2012 Swift Justice likes a glass of Cuvée after a meal.
- 22 November 2012 Put smoked ham in my deviled eggs. [slam dunk noise]
- 20 January 2013 @CheetoSantino and me reenacting on set. Badly.
- 17 May 2013 @kylekinane onstage right now. He and I are playing where Abba used to store their planes.
- 01 February 2012 The view from my front door. I wanna ask if I can use the bulldozer so bad it literally hurts. Real bad.
- 03 May 2013 @tommyjohnagin @julezmac Pretty awesome. #comedyfest
- 12 September 2011 The National were amazing at the Hollywood Bowl last night. Hearing "England" live in such a huge space was baddass.
- 07 January 2013 Having a hilarious girlfriend means you get stuff like this for Xmas. Which is pretty outstanding. "Exclusive tattoo art"! Read it aloud!
- 17 November 2012 Oh, and I now own this fake fur pimp coat. Chicago, motherfuckers!
- 31 March 2012 [sung in the style of Neil Diamond] Hello, my friend. Hello.
- 22 December 2012 Church!!
