February 28, 2012In the two weeks I've had Emily, I've learned a lot about her belief system. Here are 11 Beliefs of my Foster Kitty:
1. If that dog moves too fast, I will swat him, I don't give a shit.
2. There is no place you can put a cheese plate that I will not get to.
3. $2,500 antique mid-century modernist chairs make much better scratching posts than dumb things Petco makes as scratching posts.
4. Dishwashers opening? Incredibly interesting. Dishwasher racks sliding out? Absolutely terrifying.
5. I will beg for food even when there is some in my bowl, because I like the feeling of you being my servant.
6. Place mats are sleds.
7. I can steal as much lettuce from your salad as I want, even though I don't like the way it tastes. Personally, I think it looks good half chewed-up on the sofa.
8. You don't have to pet me. But I don't have to not scream at you continuously until you do.
9. Cats who only sleep 18 hours a day are pussies who can't handle more.
10. If you dangle a string at me, I'll play with it for a couple moments, but it's all just a set-up so I can stare at you like you're a retard swinging a string around by yourself.
11, Do what I wilt shall be the whole of the law.