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- 20 April 2013 Best I can do on 420...
- 11 August 2012 Fifty shades of green.
- 10 September 2011 Recently lost my balls. If found, let me know. Reward offered.
- 03 May 2013 Trying to write. Distracted by bugs doin' it outside my window. #tmi
- 17 May 2013 Told my mom I'd pick up a few groceries for her today. She handed me this list & coupons. I need a drink.
- 20 January 2013 It's so nice when the paps welcome you home.
- 24 March 2012 I would not mess with this dog.
- 16 November 2012 I hope she's teaching them how to run.
- 13 May 2013 See the animated tribute to my mother on FOD before she gets mad at me. Go to: http://bit.ly/12p2AQY
- 27 August 2011 I've got to return these suppositories today.
- 31 October 2011 Just went to a very high end car wash.
- 30 December 2011 Decisions, decisions...

